The Fiver | Crank up the Liquidator, cue Des O’Connor and let’s party! | Football
CHELSEA 2-0 LIVERPOOL There won’t have been a day of celebration like it on London’s famous Kings Rahd since Hughie...
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The Fiver | Newcastle, Sunderland and shows of outright contempt for fans | Football
WHAT A BUSINESS It really wasn’t meant to be like this. As June approached, Newcastle fans were brimful of optimism...
The Fiver | Bland news, please! Is that too much to ask? | Football
BLAND VALUES With giggling incompetents in Downing Street and a real length of tube in the White House, The Fiver...
The Fiver | A steel-jacketed dose of perspective right up its elite pathway | Football
KICKING OFF The Fiver has a dream. In it, the death of almost 400,000 people during a global pandemic leaves...
The Fiver | Who wouldn’t want to spend a second consecutive summer day indoors? | Football
The schedule detailing how the Premier League planned to RESTART FOOTBALL had been out in the wild for no more...
The Fiver | The STOP FOOTBALL campaign has been overturned on appeal | Football
START FOOTBALL! Following the Premier League’s unanimous decision to embark on Phase Two of Project Restart, Troy Deeney has agreed...
The Fiver | Being warned not to perform donuts outside English Heritage properties | Football
STOP START FOOTBALL After the rip-roaring success of our STOP FOOTBALL campaign, The Fiver is drunk on power, as opposed...
The Fiver | The sort of fireworks seldom seen outside of a Rammstein jamboree | Football
WIN OF CHANGE The Fiver has no idea who this Derk Lassiker bloke is but apparently he’s going to be...
The Fiver | Doing unto football as Justin Timberlake did unto sexy | Football
THE BUNDESLIGA IS BACK AGAIN, BABY! Week two, and they’re still playing football in Germany. A big part of The...
The Fiver | Luis Enrique and the ‘sadness’ of dancing with your own sister | Football
NOTE TO SELF: MUST GET BLACKOUT BLIND Frivolous sadness-related similes and metaphors are tough in a time of intense global...
